Parental alienation – child or weapon?

Written by Nasrin Manny

“When a child’s resistance/hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by the other parent.” [Cafcass]

“Parental Alienation” is a term that is now often used loosely and without much thought as to the cause and impact. Whilst it is a term that we see used often in an acrimonious dispute, there are times when there is real harm caused by deliberate alienation.

More recently, the concept of parental alienation has prompted much debate amongst, academics and professionals alike. Many have offered guidance on how cases involving potential alienation should be managed. All those involved in recent debates have one aim and that is to secure a better outcome for the children and families exposed to harmful behaviours.

How does CAFCASS deal with parental alienation?

CAFCASS, an organisation that plays a major role within court proceedings relating to children has sought to devise strategies for their Family Court advisors to assist in identifying alienation and managing those cases.

In recent times, CAFCASS has identified the need for a greater understanding of parental alienation as they are called upon by the Family Court to assist with such cases. CAFCASS defines parental alienation as:

“When a child’s resistance/hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by the other parent.”

Cafcass officers have the daunting task of identifying alienation by understanding the child/ren’s unique experiences and how they are affected by the behaviour displayed by the parent. This may be hindered by several issues, including the child’s resilience or vulnerability.

The difficulties in dealing with alienated children

One of the difficulties is that alienated children will inevitably hold strong views about the alienated parent, whether their own views or those that they have been coached to hold. It can take a considerable amount of work with a child to attempt to restore the relationship. This can be much more difficult, although not impossible, with a child who has been alienated for several years.

We must be aware that both men and women can display alienating behaviours and it is not just the stereotypical view that it is only a mother that would display such behaviour. In fact, a child can resist or entirely reject one parent due to a combination of behaviours displayed by not just one parent but by both. It is important to understand which behaviours constitute alienation, as some patterns of behaviour may be carried out without second thought. For example, criticising or ridiculing the other parent in earshot of the child, prohibiting the child from talking about the other parent and making remarks which could lead to the child believing the other parent does not love them or does not want to see them.

Though not incorporated into the definition of parental alienation, extended family members can also have an impact on a child’s view and attitude. Something we must also take into consideration.

How do you spot parental alienation?

There is research that indicates that a fractured relationship with a parent can often create complexities within a child’s life and future relationships. It is crucial, now more than ever, that we fully understand the concept of parental alienation and identify such behaviour at the earliest opportunity.

The main themes in parental alienation can involve:

• Badmouthing one parent
• Causing the child to reject the other parent
• Interfering with the child’s visitation time and contact with the other parent
• Undermining the relationship with the other parent